How to Be a Positive Thinker

Last Updated on June 16, 2022 by Tracey McGrath

Learning how to be a positive thinker involves leaning into a different way of thinking for many of us.  It does not mean that you ignore negative emotions or experiences.  To be a positive thinker one must embrace “negative” experiences as learning opportunities.  Positive thinking is not about acting like everything is ok when it is not. 

Positive thinking has gained a lot of traction over the past several years.  Books like the “Power of Positive Thinking” and the “The Magic of Thinking Big” give wonderful examples of the benefits of positive thinking. But there is also a backlash against positive thinking due to a culture of toxic positivity.  This is an issue near and dear to me.   

Why Your Thoughts are a Choice?

Our thoughts are an interesting phenomenon.  If you cut open a brain you can not see thoughts but that does not mean they aren’t real.  You create thoughts based on your previous experiences.  Brains are amazing file cabinets storing your experiences and thoughts about those experiences.  So when you have an experience your brain reminds you of a similar experience in your past.  This creates a thought that gives you an idea of what to expect.¹  

How Do Thoughts Affect You?  

Thoughts create your emotions which lead you to take actions which then create a result. I like the acronym T.E.A.R. as a reminder of the process (T=thoughts, E=emotions, A=actions, R=results).  Therefore, if you change your thoughts you can change your emotions, the actions you take, and thus your reality.  

Fear-based thoughts increase the likelihood that you notice things to be afraid of.  If you spend your time thinking about what could go wrong, then you will attract more things going “wrong”.  Over time if you continue to choose fear-based thoughts you create a reality that is fearful.  You can choose T.E.A.R.s of joy or T.E.A.R.s of fear.  Your thoughts create your results.  Which do you want?    

What is Positive Thinking?

Positive thinking is about learning to see any situation with a positive slant.  A typical negative reaction to an event might go like this.  If you have a minor car accident you can choose to think of it as a horrible event that will ruin your day.  You keep thinking about the negative consequences like insurance rates and repair costs.  This is when a shame storm starts.  You start to shame yourself over and over again about why you didn’t slow down quicker, stop to look, etc.  

A positive thinking strategy allows you to see it as an opportunity for growth.  You can choose to be thankful that no one was badly hurt.  You can see it as a not-so-subtle reminder to slow down and pay attention.  It could also be a way to meet a new person.  Or even gain a greater appreciation for your insurance specialist.     

Does Positive Thinking Mean Your Life will be Perfect?

No.  Your life will not be perfect if you become a more positive thinker.  But it will be a lot more enjoyable.  Thinking more positively doesn’t mean that nothing bad will ever happen to you again.  But it does allow you to practice a muscle that gets stronger over time.  Negative events won’t seem as awful because of your perspective.  So, your life will seem a lot better even though negative experiences will still occur.  

What to do with Negative Emotions?

Negative emotions are a necessary part of being human.  We can’t escape them nor do we really want to.  They are a sign that something is out of balance or needs addressing sometimes.  Sometimes they are simply a reaction to your experience.  But they always need to be felt so you can release it.  You will create more negativity in your body if you ignore negative emotions.  Trapping those emotions in your being will cause you to play them out over and over again.  Acknowledging these sometimes unpleasant emotions is the only way to move forward.  

When you have a negative emotion see it as a learning experience.  These emotions are friends here to teach you something.  Sit with the emotion and notice where you feel it in your body.  Allow yourself to feel it no matter how uncomfortable.  It will pass usually within a few seconds.  

If you need help with this process ask for help from a trained therapist.  A practice my mindset coach suggests is taking a shower to “wash” away the negative emotions.  Visualize the emotions flowing through your body, releasing and washing down the drain.

What is The Negativity Bias?

Will creating a positive attitude be difficult?  Perhaps.  Humans have a tendency toward the negative.  It’s called the negativity bias.  And that bias serves a purpose.  The stress response is essentially a reaction to negative stimuli.  The stress response is when you fight, flight or freeze in a dangerous situation. This response serves a wonderful purpose to protect us whenever a tiger is chasing us.  The negativity bias is at the core of how we detect danger.²  

But when we constantly have a stress response in situations that are not life-threatening our bodies can wear down.  Chronic stress has a tremendous impact on your health.  Chronic stress increases the risk of heart disease, diabetes, and insomnia.  

3 Practices for How to Be a Positive Thinker   

Here are my practices for how I became a more positive thinker.  Does it mean I never have a negative thought?  No.  But I certainly don’t allow that one negative emotion, thought or experience to pull me down into a shame spiral.  

Practice Gratitude

Gratitude is a practice proven to increase happiness and life enjoyment.  You are able to be immediately happier because you focus on things you are grateful for now.  So, in the practice of being grateful you are already feeling better.  By focusing on things, people or experiences you are grateful for you by default are creating positive thoughts.  

Making this a daily practice is a wonderful way to start or end your day.  Try writing down at least 3 new things each day that you are grateful for.  They can be big things or small things.  In fact, I recommend finding more of the little things.  Because you start to see how many things you have to be thankful for.  

A fun gratitude exercise is to think of one thing you are grateful for like coffee.  Then think of all that has to go into the process of you getting the hot yummy beverage in your hands.  Write as many of those things down.  The seeds for the coffee plants, the farmers who tend the land,  the harvesters, the roasters, the trucks, planes, or trains that bring the coffee to wherever you live, the company that buys the beans, the packaging, the workers at the coffee company, the store where you bought it, your coffee pot, electricity, clean water, your coffee cup, and on and on. 

Check out my article on The Benefits of Journaling to get started with a journaling practice! 

Practice Loving

This is a practice that extends to others but most importantly to yourself.  If you’re reading this my assumption is that you want to learn to think more positively.  You most likely have been thinking negatively for most of your life, like most humans.  Before I learned how to think more positively I was incredibly negative and critical of myself.  

In my journey to thinking positively, I learned that I had been cutting myself down.  And telling myself how much of an idiot I was any chance I got.  And I didn’t like where it had gotten me.  

“Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”

–Louise Hay

I wanted to feel better about myself and I wanted to actually like myself.  I wasn’t to a place where loving myself was an option yet.  Don’t worry if you’re there too!  You will eventually learn to love yourself by practicing positive thinking.  

I realized that I could choose my thoughts.  I could see clearly how much energy negative thoughts were taking.  By choosing more positive thoughts I started to feel better about myself and others.  I became less judgmental and more loving by default.  

But we have to practice being loving.  I use this practice when I notice someone starting to irritate me or I start to feel anxious.  This could be at the grocery store, in traffic, at home, anywhere, or anyone really.  First, I stop.  I notice that I’m getting upset, or scared, or agitated.  Then I send my love to them.  I silently repeat “Love, love, love” and imagine sending hearts in the air from me to the other person.  I like to visualize it as if I’m in a cartoon and little pink hearts float in the air from me to the other person.   

Does it sound silly?  Sure.  Does it work?  Yes!  Just give it a try next time you’re in line and another person starts bothering you.  Stop.  Notice that you’re getting irritated.  Now you are aware.  Repeat “love” silently and send them your love.  The energy will magically shift.  That person will stop the behavior that was bothering you or you won’t even notice them anymore.   

Practice Curiosity 

This is probably my favorite positive thinking exercise!  Everything becomes an opportunity to learn.  Basically any experience or thought or emotion you have, you get curious.  Start asking yourself questions.

Why am I feeling this way?  What just triggered me?  What does it remind me of?  Have I felt this way before?  What sensation does this feel like inside my body?  Am I joyful or excited?  Sad or anxious?  How am I breathing?  What does my heart feel like?  Why am I so tense?  Where am I holding tension?  Why am I thinking about _____?  

It can be a really fun game!  You start to notice whatever is actually happening.  This practice immediately takes you out of the swirl of emotion that you can often get swallowed up by.  You become the observer.  And as the observer, you are always ok.  You are always just watching and taking in the experience as it is without judgment.  

A great way to cultivate curiosity is with a meditation practice.  Meditation is an excellent method of practicing non-judgment.  As you sit in silence and observe your breath, you simply watch your thoughts come up.  You only have to notice your thoughts and then they magically vanish.  Curiosity is really a practice of observance.  And meditation allows you to do that without judgment.  Check out my article on how to start your meditation practice!  And grab free guided meditation too!       

How to Create a Positive Attitude

By being grateful, being loving, and being curious you will create a positive attitude.  There’s virtually no way you cannot have a positive attitude with these practices.  

These 3 simple practices for how to be a positive thinker can change your life.  They have changed mine.  Negative thinking is a primal survival skill but it is also a habit.  And it is a habit that you can replace with thoughts that create a happier, more joyful life.  If you choose to practice these three skills you will empower a new habit.  This new habit gives you the freedom of choice.  You can choose your thoughts and create your new life.  

References:

1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-purpose/201902/what-actually-is-thought-and-how-is-information-physical
2. https://positivepsychology.com/3-steps-negativity-bias/#bias

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